At the very first meeting, which was actually a casual mention during dinner, I told myself that organising this wedding is essentially about managing characters.
It’s different when you have a wedding planner, who is backed with a team alive with ideas who work hard at setting up months before the big day. It’s back to the basics when your wedding team is your family; they are as democratic as the elections and as legal as last minute courtroom objections.
We started with eight core members in the organising party. But as the weeks went by, the team expanded to about 30 people and then some.
Instead of being king for the day, my brother the groom decided to be president, prime minister, administrative clerk, creative intern and financial officer. So if we wanted to do something for the wedding, getting the approval was easy because one man makes all the decision.
To add more spice to the love affair, he was away on a business trip a few days prior to the wedding and joked on the phone about missing his flight to the future bride. That almost happened.
Instead of wedding bells, alarm bells were ringing for a few heart-thumping hours because of that!
We are all family, but still of different characters. Some are organised, and some far more organised than others. The efficient ones are, however, the backbone of the committee for they get things moving, even if they sometimes don’t sing the majority tune.
If you’re in any gathering of people that is full of characters, you need a moderator. It’s common to appoint one for forums and talks, but it is even more so necessary for a family meeting. I had asked my mother to appoint one, who happens to be a cousin my age who was probably more intent on taking notes on how to organise his own upcoming wedding.
As much as I didn’t want to take on the moderator role – being the smallest fish in the pond – I realised that I had to step in even if it means being the bad cop. For the first time, I found myself telling my elders – nicely – to stop talking and move on to the next agenda.
Oh no … oh yes!
What happens if you have aunts who are more talkative than you are? And about 200 of them? Well actually not really 200, but it feels like there were 200 of them. And then you have about 10 uncles who pretend like they don’t care but whose opinions are sought after when things go wrong.
These are the same uncles who keep reminding us of how unsophisticated weddings were during their day, complete with an anecdote on how the wedding was perfect even though the groom forgot to bring his shoes.
Aunts have their ideas of how weddings should be, too. Their version of a simple straighforward wedding also included a small pre-wedding meal for the family at home, which turned out to be a full-blown meal of lontong.
Let’s be fair, I did enjoy that early lunch. But a packed fried rice would do, no? I guess better this than a missing pair of shoes.
As a dreamer, I get a high when it comes to planning because it’s about putting your vision into reality. But while I love planning things, it’s not always fun.
Weddings are not fun to plan. How do you get a minimum of six persons to agree on who to invite or not, and why or why not? It’s tough. But the gratification of seeing all of it coming together at the various wedding functions, was amazing.
So how do you, a small-time nephew, navigate the intricacies of planning a wedding? I don’t have the answer. But if there’s a bonfire, don’t be the flame. I survived by knowing when to shut up and how to present my thoughts. If you have a different outlook, so does everyone else. The most important thing to remember is that they are all there for love and you’re part of it.
And for the record, my brother’s wedding was perfect.
- http://zainhd.com/2011/04/the-family-circus/ ?
